Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Things/People Tom Will Now Blame When Things Don't Go His Way
Ruth -- 7 Dec 1999, 12:16 PM

I was going to do "The Top Ten Things the Other Crew Members Would Have Done if They'd had the Chance to Talk to Their Parents," but I couldn't get beyond Harry saying, "Hey, guess what, Dad! There are some really hot aliens in this quadrant, and, well, I'm a man now!"

But, me thinks that Tom has been getting away with murder for the past five years, blaming his Dad for all of his problems. Now that Tom can no longer get away with the "gee, my Dad is an ogre, and he used to dress me funny" excuse, will Tom stop whining about his problems? I don't think so. He'll just find new people/things to blame:

10.	His hairline... well, okay, he can still blame his Dad for that one.
9.	His inability to get good tomato soup on Voyager. It seems old habits die hard, and he still blames his dad for that one too. No real reason, he just knows his dad prefers chicken noodle soup, and he figures its all part of the conspiracy.
8.	When others are jealous because he's so obviously the captain's pet: the curse of being born with a classic profile, adorable nose, and twinkling blue-gray eyes.
	(He discovers fairly quickly this is nowhere near as effective as the old, "she feels sorry for me because my father missed my winning performance as Cindy Lou Who in the production of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' at the all boys Starfleet preparatory high school" that he used to use before Pathfinder.)
7.	When he's late for a hoverball date with B'Elanna: "my mind was being held hostage by a psychotic, manipulative space ship that controlled me through the use of a neurogenic interface."
	Ouch! It turns out that one only works once.
6.	When he's late to the bridge for a duty shift: it's Harry's fault.
5.	When he's late to a staff meeting: it's Harry's fault.
4.	When he's late for a duty shift in sick bay: it's Harry's fault.
	It turns out that Tom's been using the "it's Harry's fault" excuse for years. And quite successfully, hence Harry's failure to be promoted. Who would promote someone who's always keeping other personnel from their duties?
3.	When he seemed to have trouble keeping the ship under control during an extremely tense battle: Chakotay was standing next to him, and the reflection of the phaser charges on that black, shiny, helmet like hair was blinding Tom.
2.	When he showed up on the bridge one day wearing tight black pants, a white linen pirate shirt, and black leather thigh boots.
	Who cares what his excuse is, just let him keep doing it!
1.	When B'Elanna catches him ogling Seven's chest: his mother didn't breast feed him when he was a baby.

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