Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Things Admiral Paris Says To Tom During The Course Of Pathfinder...
Ruth -- 7 Nov 1999, 9:00 AM

Tommy doesn't look too happy, does he? Well, I've learned that Admiral Paris, a renowned Starfleet diplomat, has a bit of a problem relating to his own son.

10.	Since you've been gone, scientists have discovered conclusively that tomato soup causes hair loss. Say, son, isn't that your favorite? [heh heh]
9.	I'm not sure how to tell you this son, but did I ever tell you about that time I met that beautiful Talaxian woman? Or about your half brother Neelix?
8.	I see from your ship's logs that you're still trying to pull that "Oh, gee, I was under the influence of a manipulative, mind-controlling, alien ship equipped with a neurogenic interface that took over my brain and controlled my actions, so its not really my fault" crap. It didn't work with me when you were 16, and its not going to work now!
7.	Plus, what was with that outfit you were wearing? That's hardly Starfleet regulation, mister! And it made you look like a stuffed vinyl sofa.
6.	And did the neurogenic interface steal all your razor blades, too? That stubble makes you look like some has been, gin-soaked bar fly.... oops, sorry.
5.	Your mother is forwarding a care package to you. She knows how you like 20th century Earth movies, so she's included some of your favorites like, Jailhouse Rock, I Was A Member of Chain Gang, 20,000 Years in Sing Sing, and Escape from Alcatraz.
4.	I got a call from the Starfleet Penal Colony. What am I, your answering service? Anyhow, they said when you left you walked off with your prison id and your personal tin cup. Great. Another negative for your record.
3.	I hear I have three grandchildren, but that you haven't even thought to send me any pictures. I don't even know where they go to school, so I have go around with a bumper sticker that says, "My Grandsalamaders are honor students on some swampy planet that my ungrateful son won't even tell me about."
2.	I'm not sure how to say this, son, but your mother and I have gotten a divorce. But, I'm sure you're going to love your new Mom, Deanna Troi Paris!
1.	And since your new Mom and I wanted to start our own family, we've adopted a boy of our own. He was a little old for adoption, but at last I have a son I can be proud of, Wesley Crusher Paris!
	By the way, you two will have to share your old room during the holidays.

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