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Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Interruptions To The Wedding
Jules -- 2 Mar 1999, 8:08 AM

1.The obvious one. When Janeway gets to the part in the ceremony where enquiries are made as to whether anybody objects, Ensign Vorik wriggles free of the straitjacket that the Doctor has thoughtfully outfitted him with as suitable formal dress for the wedding, bounds down the aisle, knocks out the groom, and snarls at the bride: "You are MY mate!!!"
2.At the same point in the ceremony, Janeway breaks off, looks at the happy couple with a strange glint in her eye, and heads for the door and opens it. Three little lizards patter in and while Tom Jr sticks close to Mummy, Newt and Sally Amanda head straight for Daddy. While Sally tries to climb her father's leg, until Tom scoops her up for a cuddle, Newt starts eating the train of the bride's dress... and then he regurgitates it again. Yuk. (I hope you don't mind me borrowing your names for the kids, Ginny!)
3.Kes is invited to be chief bridesmaid (you really think B'Elanna would choose Seven for the job?). Unfortunately, halfway through the ceremony, she loses her fragile control over her reintegrated corporeal form and the ship blows up.
4.B'Elanna notices while walking down the aisle that the pretty bouquet that Neelix has put together for her smells ever so slightly of mildew, but decides that it's not a good time to mention it. Unfortunately, all the pretty, white veined leola leaves that surround the perfectly innocuous flowers in the bouquet bring her hands out in a rash, and by the time Tom tries to put the ring on her her fingers are too swollen for it to fit.
5.The wedding breakfast gets bored sitting on the buffet table at the end of the Mess Hall and decides to come and watch the wedding itself. After three ensigns run screaming from the room, and Tom has to be taken to Sickbay with phaser burns after Tuvok's security team reacted a little too enthusiastically, Janeway makes a mental note to check with Neelix in future that none of the salad is capable of independent movement. Particularly if it has tendrils.
6.Just as Janeway gets to the "I now pronounce you--" bit, Q pops in and whisks her away to the Q Continuum to babysit for him for the next couple of years. When she gets back, and offers to say "man and wife", the pair in question ask her if she can spare the time to do a couple of christenings as well. (The bride does not wear white during the second part of the ceremony).
7.The previous evening the groom went down to a nearby planet with Harry to celebrate his last night of "freedom". Naturally he's now in the local jail and the wedding's been postponed indefinitely. Janeway really ought to know better than to let him have shore leave by now...
8.There's an invasion from the Fifth Dimension. Doctor Chaotica tries to take over the galaxy again. Captain Proton's services are urgently required elsewhere. B'Elanna makes a mental note to make sure that when they reschedule the wedding, all the holodecks are offline and stay that way.
9.Voyager is hailed halfway through the ceremony by a ship with a Federation signature. Starfleet have managed to create an artificial wormhole to get the ship home, but they only have 47 minutes in which to do it. Tom is willing to postpone a return to the Alpha Quadrant for another 35 years in order to finish the wedding, but after B'Elanna breaks his nose for saying so, he grudgingly volunteers to drive the ship home instead.
10.There's an urgent call up from Joe Carey in Engineering to report a deuterium shortage. After drawing lots, half the wedding party report to Deck 11 for meltdown. Unfortunately, that includes the groom. And the bride. But Seven reported for meltdown two days earlier, so B'Elanna's not complaining...