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Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Voyager Artifacts In The Kyrian Museum Of History
Terry -- 5 May 1998, 5:52 PM

Great job with the Living Witness TTL's, Ruth and Martha! My list comes from a slightly different angle.

10.Coffee Mug of Mistress Janeway (pirate queen of the Warship Voyager)
 This cup dispensed Janeway's daily dose of the highly noxious coffee brew. Her addiction to this substance was believed to be the motivating factor behind Voyager's worst atrocities. (The infamous Kazon Nistrim massacre at Hanon IV was set off when First Majess Seska drank the last cup of coffee without starting a fresh pot.)
9.Akoonah of First Mate Cheko-tay (chief interrogator & harpooner)
 This was a torture device native to Cheko-tay's tribe. Paradoxically, it was applied not to the victim but to the torturer himself. It boosted Chako-tay's natural banality to excruciating levels. The resulting tedium lasted for one hour but seemed like a thousand. Akoocheemoya! Fiendish indeed.
8.Kal'Toh Set of Commandant Tuvok (chief gunner & comic relief)
 Tuvok's opponents were told thnat this puzzle could be solved through application of geometric principles. In truth, Tuvok always won by using methods similar to the only known Cubic's Rube solution. (Rip off the square colored patches and stick them back on in single-colored sides.)
7.Pool Cue of Lieutenant Tom Paris (helmsman & escaped convict)
 This tapered wooden club (or Q) was used by Paris to rob his victims, among whom were members of his own crew.
6.Hyperspanner of Intendant Blanna Torris (transporter chief seductress)
 Torris used this device and similar "marital" aids in combination with her sexy forehead ridges to excite both stoic young Vulcans and horny humans alike into sexual frenzies.
5.Clarinet of Lieutenant Harry Kim (assistant interrogator & thug first class)
 This metal tube appears to be nothing more than a simple musical instrument. But when wrapped with a length of wire, this pipe becomes a cunning general-purpose tool and weapon. Kim used it to bypass security systems, deactivate force fields, and to bludgeon both his friends and enemies to death.
4.Spatula and Apron of Ensign Neelix (chef of operations & immorale officer)
 These objects were used to protect Neelix from the harmful effects of his favorite hobby: creating exotically colored poisons.
3.Violin and Stuffed Cat Spot of the Doctor (biogenic weaponsmith)
 This stringed instrument was used by the Doctor to play his favorite song: "Genocide is Painless; It Brings On Many Changes". Apparently the animal was used as a source for replacement strings.
2.Leather Uniform for a small yet well-built humanoid female. It is unknown which member of the Voyager crew wore this tight leather outfit.
 The only clues were a few blonde hairs on the collar and a map of Mars in the gun holster. The map had an area named Boston circled in red along with this inscription:
 I [love] Eric
1.Silver Catsuit of Seven of Nine (Borgmeister-general)
 Seven was forced to waer this tight punishment uniform to ensure her slavish obedience. Note the metal ribs and tight inflexible bindings. When wearing this, the Borg leader was unable to sit, bend over, run, or even go to the bathroom unaided. Some stories also mention her five inch heels but such reports are hardly credible.