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Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Things In Admiral Paris' Letter That B'Elanna Didn't Think Tom Should Read
Ruth -- 23 Mar 1998, 1:47 PM

(because it would make him unhappy, or she didn't want him to know, etc). Inspired by Martha's list -- and Roxanne, I'm still trying to think up things the crew could find -- and no my taxes still aren't done.

10.Your mother and I think it is time that we told you that in our desire to have a son to carry on the Paris name, we had our youngest daughter, Thomasina, undergo a sex change and a memory wash when you were twelve.
9.Starfleet Academy's basketball team didn't make it to this year's final four.
8.Your girl friend, Debbie, came to us a week after your disappearance and told us she was pregnant with your child. Debbie, and the triplets (Tom, Jr., Owen II, and Sandrine) are all living with Mom and me right now and they are anxiously looking forward to your return!
7.Your cell mate from prison, Bruno, called when he found out you were still alive, and said to pass on this message, although I'm not sure I understand it. He must have been having trouble with his love life when you left. Anyhow, he said to say, "I'm looking forward to seeing my favorite girl again for some easy lovin."
6.Wesley Crusher, now there's a young man a father could be proud of, has been named the youngest admiral in Starfleet history.
5.While you've been gone Campbell's has stopped making its Tomato Soup because of lack of demand. Sorry son, I know it was your favorite.
4.I see that B'Elanna Torres is on the ship. Just between you and me, son, she's a hot little number! We called her "Torrid Torres" when she was at Starfleet Academy. I remember one weekend when she and I . . .
3.You just continue to be irresponsible, don't you son? First you get kicked out of Starfleet, then you are thrown in prison, and now you haven't written or called your mother in three and a half years. She's just been sick with worry.
2.My gosh! Is that really your half-Brother Neelix on that ship with you!
1.Your mother has kept your room just the way you left it -- full of empty beer cans, Starfleet dishonorable discharge papers, indictments for treason, and clothes that smell of gin, stale cigarette smoke, and cheap perfume.