Is Prospector's Poignant Passing Pure Pretense?

Yet Another Voyager City Chronicle Shocker!
Ruth — 25 Sep 1998, 6:37 PM

IS PROSPECTOR'S POIGNANT PASSING PURE PRETENSE?

An exclusive story!
By Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

Although the rumors have been swirling around Voyager City since the death of prospector Terry Miles - a.k.a. "Mad" Miles, "More the Merry-er," and "Sheesh, yeah, like I believe he slept with all twelve of Madame Maxine's prime fillies" Miles, this reporter believes he has unearthed conclusive evidence that Mr. Miles had reason to fake his own death! Local officials have been swamped with visits from persons claiming to see the supposedly demented, er, I mean dead miner in and around Voyager City. What has been missing until now is a reason for Miles to do such a thing.

According to my source, who wishes to remain anonymous, and will be called "Shallow Educator," Mr. Miles, was fearful that he was about to be slapped with an alienation of affection lawsuit by one of the "Terry Widows." The woman, Paula Lewinsky was one of the twelve young ladies who spent a relaxing and utterly uneventful winter at Mr. Miles cabin last winter, although that has not stopped attorney Clare Darrow from filing an apparently frivolous lawsuit at the local courthouse.

"Paula told me that Mr. Miles had promised to marry her as soon as the Reverend Windes could break away from his duty of ministering to the needs of the soiled doves at the Provencal, and make his way over the peaks of Venus to the Miles cabin. She believed they would have a future together, sharing as they did, a love of a good cigar and the ancient art of tatting." This reporter notes that other corroborating sources also have reported that Mr. Miles was a real tat man.

Shallow Educator continued, "The creep, I mean the dear maybe not so departed, was always telling Paula about his fabulous Quarterstaff and offering to show it to her in a private tour. However, he proved to be all talk and no action. The poor child is quite distraught. By the way, have I provided you with all the tapes I made of my conversations with Paula?"

Shallow Educator, a sweet tempered lady, with a fine education, impeccable morals and high standards, then rapped my knuckles with her ruler because I wasn't paying close enough attention.

Polls show that two thirds of Voyager City residents are sick of this story and wish to move on to more serious topics like the threatened foreclosure of the Delta Q. Nonetheless, we here at the Chronicle feel it is our duty to keep you informed. More details will be forthcoming in future editions.

Or not.