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In Touch With The Inner YAM

In Touch with the Inner YAM
Erik(a) — 20 Oct 1998, 3:56 PM

'Sweet-tie, you're late again." Eric said nervously as he watched Kes Janeway enter Quarks. He was nervous because he observed that she was wearing the Shaolin Leather Suit of Justice again. He sighed as she sat down opposite him. Not only was she wearing the suit, but she had once again put on that awful tooth cap, and she had this sour expression on her face.

Eric, the Beautician of Voyager city (Well ever since Enome died two years ago) hated that leather suit. It was too form fitting, and it revealed too much to the men of Voyager City exactly what his precious little flower looked like under her petals.

"So I was with friends" Came the curt answer as she sat down opposite him. She continued. "Sometimes I feel like you want to be with me everywhere I go. I can have friends you know."

Eric did not push the issue anymore. He knew that he couldn't talk to her when she was in this mood. He decided to talk about something else

"Garak and I got together for lunch today. He was telling me of the beautiful ties that he got in today. I went to look at them, you should see them sweet-tie, they're real silk, such a wonderful delicate fabric and they are just soooo comfortable. I really hated those polyester ones, they always rode up on me during the hot days. Mr. Garak told me that these would never do that. I know that you said that I should be more careful with money, but when I saw them I could not help myself. I brought three of them........"

Kes was trying to ignore Eric's inane chatter in order to avoid howling. How she hated when he began to talk about shopping. That's all he ever did, talk about clothes, shoes and little trinkets, which he littered around the house that they shared. Kes found herself growing quite bored with him of late. When they first began to date, after she had asked him out, she thought that he was a good listener. Which was good because she liked to talk about herself and her inner warlord. But later she found out that he just wasn't interested in things like riding, shooting and six-guns. Oh sure he listened, but it was only two months ago that she realized he was thinking about fabrics and little cute animals (which he fashioned figurines after) during the whole time that she was talking about things like gunfights, Klingon Indians and Posses.

Finally Eric winded down and asked Kes,

"So why did you ask me here today Kes?"

She sighed, there was no easy way to say this.

"Eric, I'm sorry, but I'm moving out of the house."

Eric had known that this was going to happen. All throughout the week he saw the signs of Kes' displeasure. She was out late. And when she came back there was the smell of another man's beef jerky on her breath. She wasn't interested in making love to him anymore and he had heard rumors about her and another man.

He bit his lips to keep the tears from falling.

"Why, was it because of something I did?"

This part was easy for Kes

"No, it's because of who I am." She reached across the table and grasped his hand. "You're a sweet boy Eric, but you can't handle the darker side of me. The Inner Warlord. You want me to be like B'Elanna Janeway, sweet always home and waiting for her husband Tom, bowing to his every word and wishes. You want me to wear petticoats and sensible pixie shoes, instead of my leathers. I can't do that. I am not that type of woman. I know that eventually you'll find a woman who is just as sweet as you are. Someone who will stay home and listen to you talk about shopping and enjoy it. I just know that I am not that woman."

The tears were flowing freely now. Eric wiped them on the back of his Bugle Girl shirt. He would accept this, but first he had to know.

"Is it true?"

In touch with the Inner YAM 2
Erik(a) — 20 Oct 1998, 3:58 PM

"That I am going to live with Harry Janeway? Yes. Harry the Shaolin Gunslinger is the man for me."

Eric got up and summed all the strength that he had and said.

"I hope that you will be happy."

With that he stumbled out of the restaurant.


Timmy was putting the finishing touches on the needlepoint pattern that he sewed on the coffee cosey he had made for his wife Madame D'Alaire. He had noticed that when she was performing a Java Vision, she sometimes would leave her cup untouched for a long time and when she went to get another hit, her Java would be cold. He thought that she would appreciate the gesture. He was always thoughtful. That's what all the Church YAMmies said about him.

He stopped rocking in his chair when he heard a sound come from the crib that was next to him. Beata Janeway gave a loud cry having gotten up from sleep. Timmy bent down and picked her up and held her close to him as he began to lull her back to sleep.

"There, there" He said and began to sing softly in her hear. Beata's cries died down and after a couple of minutes, she went back to sleep. Timmy put her back in her crib and looked at her longingly. He had always wanted children. As soon as he and Madame D'A had been married, he wanted to start a family. But she wanted to get her "Seeer of Queens" business off the ground before making such a huge change in their lifestyles. While he agreed with her, he couldn't help but wish that the day would come soon. He was 28 years old and his biological six-gun was ticking. Taking care of little Beata Janeway was always a joy. Sometimes he would pretend that she was his own.....

A knock sounded at the door.

"I wonder who that could be" He muttered to himself.

He opened the door and found a distraught Eric standing at the door.

"She's leaving" He said silently.

Timmy didn't say anything, but gathered his best friend in his arms and held the young man as he cried his eyes out.


"Do you think that I look OK?"

Chakotay stood in front of the mirror with his cleanest pair of jeans on and shining cowboy boots.

Tom Janeway was at the door.

"You look fine. Now hurry up and let's go. I don't want to miss a minute of this party. I want to hear Eric's side of the story"

"I feel sorry for him."

"I know" Tom said. "I can't believe that Harry stole Kes from under his nose. That little hustler!!!"

"Tom, he's your brother!" Chakotay said exasperated.

"That doesn't mean that he's always right and I have to agree with everything he says." Tom said.

"The peel and stick tattoo looks fine." He stopped. "Well maybe not so fine" and he peeled it off and adjusted it. "There, much better."

He looked at the older man a little more closely and continued. "Also you missed a spot." He splattered a little of Grecian Formula on the comb and ran it through his hair."

"There" He stood back and admired his handy work. "You look just so handsome. Now lets get going."

Chakotay grinned and followed the younger man out of the door.

In Touch with the Inner YAM 3
Erik(a) — 20 Oct 1998, 4:00 PM

"Jim and Jason." I'm so glad that you could come. Come on in". Timmy took his two fellow Church YAMmer's hats and coats at the door.

"Thank you Timmy. It looks like you've prepared quite a spread!! Everything smells so good!!" Timmy blushed with pride. He was indeed a good cook. His Pumpkin and Apple Spice Pies always won first prize at the Voyager City Bake Off. Like most of the men in Voyager City he downplayed his talents in the kitchen.

"Well I hope that everything is OK. I wasn't too sure that the pumpkin was ripe enough......"

Jason rolled his eyes. He would give his eyeteeth to be able to Bake like Mr. D'Alaire. His wife Kathryn loved pumpkin pies and always raved about Timmy's. No matter how many times Jason copied the recipe and tried to duplicate it. It just never came out right.

"Jim" Mot France said, "How are you?"

"Doing well these days thank you. How's the counseling business?"

Mot was Voyager City's counselor and a lot of the men of the town's personal friend since he had helped each one of them at one point in time or the other with their relationships.'

"It's there." That was all he said. He was the City's counselor because he was a great listener and never argumentative.

"How's Eric?" Jim said in a low voice. He turned towards the young man who was embracing Tom Janeway and Chakotay Torres as they came into the front room. He looked like road-kill; his eyes were swollen and bloodshot but not surprisingly every hair was in place. He supposed that Eric did it himself.

"He's holding on. He's taken it hard."

"I can understand that." Jim said, remembering how devastated he felt after his own messy separation.

In touch with the Inner YAM 4
Erik(a) — 20 Oct 1998, 4:04 PM

"Women!!!!!" Eric said loudly through tears.

"Hear, hear" the other men murmured.

They were all sitting on the floor in the front room of Timmy's house in their PJ's with three empty bottles of Mer-lot scattered on the floor. When Mrs. D'A heard that Timmy was going to host a sleep over for a few of Eric's closest friends, in order to cheer him up, she had quickly decided that she was going to spend the night out on the town. Timmy was glad. He didn't want to have her hanging around when they got to talking about women. She had decided that she was going to catch the baseball game with Kathryn, Cowgirl Vickie, Peggy-Lou, Barty, Miss Ruthie, Miss Julie, Lee-Marie and Sevenita. B'Elanna had agreed to baby sit the respective children so that the men could have a free night from their babysitting duties.

"Kes always wanted to go out on the town and never stay home for a nice exciting game of scrabble. And the clothes that she wore!!!! They were so indecent. Women in this town should never be allowed to wear clothing like that. They should be in tent dresses so that they would show nothing of their bodies."

"I agree" Said Mr. Mot.

"And that's not all. The sex!!!! She wanted it all the time, all night long. A man could never get any rest. And it was so inconvenient. There were just some nights when all I wanted was to be held."

"Women can be so inconsiderate of that sometimes. To them intimacy is just sex, never anything else. That's the way society has thought them to be." Mr. Mot explained

"Kes was just so wanton, it was such a turn off!!! Just the other night, do you know what she wanted me to do?"

"No" The men said quietly and bent their ears towards Eric. "What?" they said excitedly

Eric told them

The collective gasps were heard across the room.

"Well I never!!!!" said Chakotay.

"I absolutely refused to do it." Eric was shaking his head vigorously.

"You go boy!!!" Tom Janeway said loudly.

"I tell you these women in this town are just too progressive. Sevenita made a pass at me just the other day."

"What did she do?" Timmy asked.

"She came right up to me and said, 'How would you like to my implants' "

"That little Hussy!" Jason exclaimed, "What did you tell her?"

"I told her what all of us feel in this room and have been afraid to tell her face to face." Eric began remember his indignation of being propositioned.

"I told her that I was a taken man. And even if I weren't, those implants are just too big and too fake for my tastes."

"I agree" Jim said. "I just don't understand......"

Eric looked around at all his friends. He remembered that he had to get a thank you card for Timmy, in the morning. This slumber party was sorely needed.

They never got any sleep that night