Deceased's Incredible Story May Be False!

Yet another Jason Canuck exclusive!!!!
Ruth — 22 Sep 1998, 8:29 PM

***NEW FLASH***

DECEASED'S INCREDIBLE STORY MAY BE FALSE!

by Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

After an exhaustive investigation, this reporter has learned that not only is the estate of Terry Miles, known posthumously as "More the Merry-er Miles," in dispute, but that it is likely that the claims of the twelve young ladies claiming to be his common law wives are also false. New papers, filed recently with the Voyager City Clerk of Court, show that Miles deeded away the Quarterstaff mine two years ago.

Apparently, Miles had come to believe that his fabulous Quarterstaff was all tapped out, and he traded his claim to a group of itinerant pottery salesmen in exchange for a group of ceramic geese dressed like the cast of the long running Voyager City musical production, 'Four Brides for Seven Brothers.' "He loved nothing more than a good duck," said Miles' longtime spiritual advisor, the Reverend Mr. Andrew Windes. I would often come to visit brother Miles, and we would sit and admire the geese along with his many kitty cats, and talk about the good old days when we were young scalawags."

As for the so-called "Terry Widows," whispers have been circulating for weeks about whether or not the alleged carnal relations between Mr. Miles and the girls did, in fact occur. One source, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he had spent a lot of time with the girls since their return to safety. While executing a series of fancy twirls with his gun, and often dropping it, this source stated, "Mizz Jennye dun tolld mee thatt accorrdin too th3e defiNitun uf sexxual relattions suplied too h3er bye he3r lawyur, Mizz Darro, no suuch connduct occured."

My source tells me that the girls state that Mr. Miles was pleasant, kept a tidy cabin, and in the evenings would sometimes perform shadow puppets on the wall to entertain them. "You should have seen the things he could do with his hands!," giggled one girl. Nonetheless, this was apparently the extent of their relationship with the deceased.

Who then is the heir to the fabulous Goldstaff claim? No one has stepped forward yet, but this reporter believes he has flushed out the lucky lady. Until I receive further confirmation from my sources, I cannot name names, but it has come to my attention that there has been a recent change in circumstance for a beloved member of the Voyager City community. A certain mild mannered, dark haired school mistress, has recently quit her job, purchased an estate outside of town, and acquired a pool boy named Ayala and a house boy named Larsen.

More details will be forthcoming in future editions.