Culture Arrives In Voyager City

Culture Arrives in Voyager City, pt. 1
Ruth — 28 Sep 1998, 4:26 PM

[This takes place immediately after Terry's 'The Trailboss,' part 3]

Kathryn stomped out of Quark's, slapping her gloves against her thighs, a gesture Chakotay recognized as reflective of her agitation. When she was in this kind of mood, the best thing was just stand back and stay out of her way.

"And I'm getting ready to face six weeks of confrontations between her and Whippen," he grimaced to himself for about the hundredth time in the last half hour.

"Can you believe that woman had the nerve to want to bring that chef of hers to man the mess on MY cattle drive, Chakotay!" Kathryn raged. Chakotay wisely decided this was a rhetorical question and remained silent.

"Vegan McCartney is a wonderful cook, Mrs. Janeway," Kathryn mimicked the other woman perfectly, right down to the slight accent that gave Mary Whippen a slightly European air. "He's known for his tofu burgers, and I don't think a cowboy in the world could resist his soy shakes." Changing back into her regular voice, Kathryn said, "what does she think we're going to be delivering to Federation City? Soy beans and sea weed? It's a *cattle drive* for gosh sakes! We'll go with the cook we already hired, and eat what cowboys have eaten from time immemorial -- beef, beans, bacon and flour! Its a perfectly good diet." She turned around quickly and got in Chakotay's face, "I mean, have you ever seen an unhealthy cowboy?"

Chakotay stuttered, "Well, now I guess not. Although I've seen a few with dysentery. And when Ayala got back from that last drive, the Doc told him he hadn't been getting enough vitamin B in his diet ..."

He trailed off as he noticed a big commotion over by the courthouse. A group of people, talking eagerly, were gathered around the large board where area folk posted announcements for others to read when they came to town. Births, deaths, foreclosures, social events -- all were placed there as a way for folks to keep up in between editions of the Voyager City Chronicle.

Seeing a chance to change the subject, Chakotay spoke eagerly, "Kathryn -- look over there. I wonder what is going on?"

The two hurried over to the courthouse and pushed there way through the crowd to the board.

Miss Julie was fanning herself as she read something and going, "Oh my, oh my, oh my!"

Lee-Marie was saying, "Hot damn!"

Miss Ruthie was giggling nervously, and saying "well, I never!"

B'Elanna leaned over to Tom and whispered nastily, "well that figures." He shushed her. B'Elanna had never particularly liked Miss Ruthie. She'd been mighty suspicious back in school about the way the school teacher was always keeping Tom after class to discuss his progress in third grade social studies. He'd been 25 at the time.

Peggy Lou and Barty piped up, "we've already got our front row seats!"

And Clare Darrow was waiving a twenty dollar bill around and asking if anyone had twenty one dollar bills they could exchange with her.

"What the heck is going on," Kathryn asked curiously.

"Oh, this Ma," Tom said in a sarcastic voice. "There's a big show coming special to the Opera House tonight, and the women are acting like it is the first show that ever came to Voyager City."

Kathryn leaned forward and read out loud, "Attention Ladies of Voyager City! Due to a mixup in train schedules, the fabulous CHAPS-ENDALE DANCERS will appear for one night and one night only at the Voyager City Opera House. Known the world over for their rhythmic stylings, the CHAPS-ENDALES will delight and entertain! Come see lead dancer Antonio Swayze and the rest of the troupe TONIGHT at 8:00 p.m. Make Your Fantasies Come Alive!"

Culture Arrives in Voyager City, pt. 2 (& correction)
Ruth — 28 Sep 1998, 4:31 PM (& 28 Sep 1998, 7:30 PM)

"The Chaps-endales," Kathryn asked. "I've never heard of them. Do they do ballroom dancing or square dancing?"

Max piped up, "Razzen frazzen, sheezen foo foo foo."

"What did he say," Kathryn asked.

Madame Maxine translated, "Sorry. He got into the sarsaparilla a little early this morning, if you know what I mean. He said, 'Ballroom dancing, harumph! Close but no cigar."

"Ewwwwh, cigars," the crowd went for no apparent reason.

"No, Miss Kathryn," Miss Ruthie said excitedly, "it is an all male dance team, and they take off, well not that I would know anything about this sort of thing, well, I've heard my students say, well, I mean, I've read about ..."

Peggy Lou interrupted, knowing this could go on all day, "they are male strippers, Miss Kathryn. I hear they dress up like the figures in women's fantasies and then undress until they still look like a woman's fantasy, but with less on."

Miss Racine spoke up, "I saw them once in Federation City! One dressed up like Prince Charming, one dressed up like a swash buckling swordsman, and one dressed up like a Repoman!"

"What is a Repoman?," Chakotay asked, and then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. None of you ladies from the Delta Q can attend such foolishness anyhow. We're leaving at sunup for a cattle drive. You need your sleep."

"But, Pa," B'Elanna wailed.

"For once, I agree with your Pa, B'Elanna," Tom said, a little smugly in her opinion. "This is going to be a rough drive, and anyhow," he whispered in her ear, "why would you want to go to pay for something like this. You can look at my body all you want for free."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, and said, "not if you keep on getting the Grand Slam specials over at Tom R's and Shelly's Diner."

Tom looked hurt, "but I thought you said you liked me a little heavy. You said there was more of me to love."

In the meantime, Reverend Windes was calling out in a serious tone, "Sistren, no one should go to this show! It is of the devil. I suggest you go home tonight and tend to the needs of your husbands, as is right and proper!"

"Besides," the Reverend whispered to the strange looking man standing next to him. No one could ever remember seeing the stranger. He was wearing sunglasses, and his bright orange curly hair didn't look quite .... real. He had a miner's pick in one hand and a ceramic goose in the other. The Reverend continued, "because of this stupid Chaps-Endales show, the management of the Opera House canceled tonight's magic lantern show, 'Beach Blanket Borg Bikini Bingo.' I'm missing a tremendous opportunity to minister to the kind of sinful man who would attend such an exploitative display. I planned to watch the show and see the kind of temptation they face, and then speak to my fellow brothers the minute that show was over!"

In the meantime, Kes, Sevenita, and B'Elanna were all talking at once to Miss Kathryn. "Please, Ma!" "While I do not quite grasp this concept of a 'male stripper,' I believe the knowledge I would gain at such an event would be useful." "You're not going to let Pa tell you what to do, are you Miss Kathryn?"

Kathryn held up her hand to silence the young women. She looked at the poster again, and then turned to her foreman. She looked deep into his eyes. "Could I borrow ten one dollar bills from you?"