VC Compleat: Paydirt

I think Terry should be found dead of exhaustion.
Terry — 22 Sep 1998, 6:22 PM

***NEW FLASH***

Dead Man Strikes Pay-Dirt

by Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

The emaciated body of prospector Terry Miles was discovered today in a mountain cabin. Located high in the Mountains of Venus, the log cabin was isolated by snow drifts all winter long. Mr. Miles had been entertaining a traveling troupe of Madame Maxime's dancing girls early last winter when they were caught by a early winter snowstorm. Rescuers were unable to reach the trapped party until the recent thaw. The prospector and the dozen women had to survive for four months on nothing but a barrel of whipped cream, a keg of chocolate syrup, and a tub of marischino cherries. The twelve women were rescued and found to be in good health and excellent spirits.

When asked how they managed to keep from freezing to death without any firewood, Miss Megan Delaney replied with a broad smile, "By keeping under the covers, sharing body heat, and by continuous, intense physical exercise." All twelve survivors unanimiously agreed that Mr. Miles had saved their lives by his constant exertions to entertain and comfort each of them. But they declined to explain why no attempt was made by the occupants to dig themselves out.

Apparently, Mr. Miles expired just last week. The coroner's early report attributes the cause of death to extreme exhaustion, dehydration, and phlebitis of the lower extremities. Two inexplicable features on the corpse were a great, big smile on his face and an (**CENSORED**).

Mr. Miles died before learning that his gold claim had made him a multi-millionaire. His claim to the fabulous Quarterstaff Gold Mine was uncovered by a title search only days after his cabin was snowed under. But mysteriously, Miss Jenny Delaney insisted that Mr. Miles had remarked over and over again about striking the mother lode.

The Miles fortune is now in dispute as the prospector died intestate. (Winked Jenny: "Au contraire! I can assure you that Terry was fully functional right up to his last -- uh -- breath!") There are now conflicting claims by the twelve dancers and Madame Maxine herself.

Clare Darrow, attorney for the poor unfortunate and grief-stricken twelve girls, stated in her media release, "I plan to bring to suit to claim the Quarterstaff mine on behalf of my clients, who are the common-law widows of the deceased Terry Miles." Complained Madame Maxine, "I'm running a business, not a charity! At $5 a pop dance, I figure the bastard's 12 million dollars only pays for the first two months! They get the gold mine and I get the shaft!"

Yet another Jason Canuck exclusive!!!!
Ruth — 22 Sep 1998, 8:29 PM

***NEW FLASH***

DECEASED'S INCREDIBLE STORY MAY BE FALSE!

by Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

After an exhaustive investigation, this reporter has learned that not only is the estate of Terry Miles, known posthumously as "More the Merry-er Miles," in dispute, but that it is likely that the claims of the twelve young ladies claiming to be his common law wives are also false. New papers, filed recently with the Voyager City Clerk of Court, show that Miles deeded away the Quarterstaff mine two years ago.

Apparently, Miles had come to believe that his fabulous Quarterstaff was all tapped out, and he traded his claim to a group of itinerant pottery salesmen in exchange for a group of ceramic geese dressed like the cast of the long running Voyager City musical production, 'Four Brides for Seven Brothers.' "He loved nothing more than a good duck," said Miles' longtime spiritual advisor, the Reverend Mr. Andrew Windes. I would often come to visit brother Miles, and we would sit and admire the geese along with his many kitty cats, and talk about the good old days when we were young scalawags."

As for the so-called "Terry Widows," whispers have been circulating for weeks about whether or not the alleged carnal relations between Mr. Miles and the girls did, in fact occur. One source, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he had spent a lot of time with the girls since their return to safety. While executing a series of fancy twirls with his gun, and often dropping it, this source stated, "Mizz Jennye dun tolld mee thatt accorrdin too th3e defiNitun uf sexxual relattions suplied too h3er bye he3r lawyur, Mizz Darro, no suuch connduct occured."

My source tells me that the girls state that Mr. Miles was pleasant, kept a tidy cabin, and in the evenings would sometimes perform shadow puppets on the wall to entertain them. "You should have seen the things he could do with his hands!," giggled one girl. Nonetheless, this was apparently the extent of their relationship with the deceased.

Who then is the heir to the fabulous Goldstaff claim? No one has stepped forward yet, but this reporter believes he has flushed out the lucky lady. Until I receive further confirmation from my sources, I cannot name names, but it has come to my attention that there has been a recent change in circumstance for a beloved member of the Voyager City community. A certain mild mannered, dark haired school mistress, has recently quit her job, purchased an estate outside of town, and acquired a pool boy named Ayala and a house boy named Larsen.

More details will be forthcoming in future editions.

Yet Another Voyager City Chronicle Shocker!
Ruth — 25 Sep 1998, 6:37 PM

IS PROSPECTOR'S POIGNANT PASSING PURE PRETENSE?

An exclusive story!
By Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

Although the rumors have been swirling around Voyager City since the death of prospector Terry Miles - a.k.a. "Mad" Miles, "More the Merry-er," and "Sheesh, yeah, like I believe he slept with all twelve of Madame Maxine's prime fillies" Miles, this reporter believes he has unearthed conclusive evidence that Mr. Miles had reason to fake his own death! Local officials have been swamped with visits from persons claiming to see the supposedly demented, er, I mean dead miner in and around Voyager City. What has been missing until now is a reason for Miles to do such a thing.

According to my source, who wishes to remain anonymous, and will be called "Shallow Educator," Mr. Miles, was fearful that he was about to be slapped with an alienation of affection lawsuit by one of the "Terry Widows." The woman, Paula Lewinsky was one of the twelve young ladies who spent a relaxing and utterly uneventful winter at Mr. Miles cabin last winter, although that has not stopped attorney Clare Darrow from filing an apparently frivolous lawsuit at the local courthouse.

"Paula told me that Mr. Miles had promised to marry her as soon as the Reverend Windes could break away from his duty of ministering to the needs of the soiled doves at the Provencal, and make his way over the peaks of Venus to the Miles cabin. She believed they would have a future together, sharing as they did, a love of a good cigar and the ancient art of tatting." This reporter notes that other corroborating sources also have reported that Mr. Miles was a real tat man.

Shallow Educator continued, "The creep, I mean the dear maybe not so departed, was always telling Paula about his fabulous Quarterstaff and offering to show it to her in a private tour. However, he proved to be all talk and no action. The poor child is quite distraught. By the way, have I provided you with all the tapes I made of my conversations with Paula?"

Shallow Educator, a sweet tempered lady, with a fine education, impeccable morals and high standards, then rapped my knuckles with her ruler because I wasn't paying close enough attention.

Polls show that two thirds of Voyager City residents are sick of this story and wish to move on to more serious topics like the threatened foreclosure of the Delta Q. Nonetheless, we here at the Chronicle feel it is our duty to keep you informed. More details will be forthcoming in future editions.

Or not.

I agree. Thumbs up, Terry! Here's one to add... (GI)
Jules — 11 Oct 1998, 11:30 AM

Not artwork at the moment though, just a little fooling around...

STOP PRESS: FURTHER INFORMATION COMES TO LIGHT ON THE 'PAYDIRT' SCANDAL!

An Exclusive Story
by Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

Prospector Terry Miles with some of his 'widows'

Further to our previous speculation that reports of notorious legendary gold prospector Terry Miles's death were premature, not to say entirely false, the following new information has come to our attention.

A photographic plate discovered on the premises of Voyager City's photographic expert, Dr Peter Morf, has led to Marshal Marshall V Tuvok issuing a warrant for Mr Miles's arrest. The photograph, which Dr Morf denies having taken and which he claims to be unable to explain the existence of, clearly shows Mr Miles and a number of the 'ladies' from Madame Maxine's establishment enjoying a picnic in Icebox Canyon with the waters of the Little Coffee in spring flood behind them.

As the Little Coffee was still frozen at the time of his alleged death, this new development has led to growing suspicions that Mr Miles may have faked his own death for reasons as yet to be discovered.

Ms Clare Darrow, representing the ladies in the photograph - who along with seven other of their colleagues recently won their misrepresentation suit against the Assay Office over the passing of title of Miles's Quarterstaff Mine and received a large sum in compensation - commented: "This photograph was clearly taken last spring, not this. My clients have not been in the vicinity of Icebox Canyon since Mr Miles's tragic demise."

Upon being informed that one of her clients, Ms Paula Lewinsky, only took up residence with Madame Maxine last July, Ms Darrow stated that she had no further comment to make at this time.

But the fact remains that this photograph clearly shows Mr Miles alive and well some weeks after the tearful and well attended funeral held for him in Voyager City. Marshall Tuvok dismissed reports that Mr Miles's grave was disinterred last Wednesday and found to be empty, but he did confirm that the hunt is now on to run this well loved eccentric of Voyager City to ground. It is thought that a small reward for his capture - dead or alive - is likely to be announced shortly.

More news as we get it.

Paydirt Scandal Expands to Banker and Schoolmarm! (GI)
Terry — 12 Oct 1998, 12:04 AM

PAYDIRT SCANDAL EXPANDS TO BANKER AND SCHOOLMARM

An Exclusive Story
by Ace Reporter Jason Canuck
Voyager City Chronicle

Prospector Terry Miles with most of his 'widows'

Mr. "Cue" Balle today announced startling new revelations in the Paydirt scandal. Mr. Balle is the recently appointed special prosecutor assigned to investigate the rapidly expanding scandal. He held his first press conference at the courthouse in Voyager City to announce several new developments implicating prominent Voyager City citizens.

The above photo was released to the press as a major new piece of evidence. Its differences from the other photo previously leaked to the press is quite striking.

One woman in the photo, a Miss Julie Lang, has been named by Prosecutor Balle as an unindicted co-conspirator in the as yet specified conspiracy. Miss Julie, the manager of the Empire Bank, was contacted by this reporter but declined to comment.

Another woman in the photo has been identified as Miss Ruthie Tripp Gulch, the local schoolmarm. Mr. Balle confirmed that Miss Ruth is cooperating fully with the investigation. When contacted, Miss Gulch stated that she was a close personal friend of Miss Paula Lewinsky and that she would fink on as many friends as necessary to get her revenge on Terry do her utmost patriotic duty to see the truth come out and justice done.

More news on Paydirt as we get it.