Parodies Of Classical Poetry

Jennifer Lien
Review Boy (Jim Wright) — 26 Jun 1998

Putting the Poe in Poetry...

Here's another one...

It was many and many a day ago
In a starship mis-en-scene,
That an alien lived whom you may know
By her real name, Jennifer Lien,--
And this pixie she lived with no other thought
Than to entertain people like me.

I was a viewer; she was a child
She was "two" but she looked seventeen;
But o! what a doll! That Kes had me in thrall
That Ocampa *nee* Jennifer Lien--
And I loved with a love that the weasels in suits
Thought would translate to revenue Green.

But after three seasons the show seemed to stall
And I saw in one terrible scene
Her acting was--what? uninspired? even bored?
Was she moody, my Jennifer Lien?
She was perky and cute, but the dolts in the suits
Took that grumpy li'l actress from me.
Replaced her with a buxom Borg
On that show after Season Three.

The actors, not half so happy in Burbank
Were desolate, as were we--
That even with long hair and skin-tight suits
The producers dissed Jennifer Lien.
Yes!--that was the reason (as all men know,
In this Nielsen-wasteland TV)--
That the verdict came down from the late season break
Faxing and axing my Jennifer Lien.

But my fondness was stronger by far than the ire
Of those ninnies who cut the girl free
For they think that they're wiser than we--
And neither the actors on Voyager's set
Nor the Weasels in black Armani,
Can ever dissever my ears from the voice
Of the velvet-tongued Jennifer Lien.

So the set never glows without showing me rows
Of the blue eyes of Jennifer Lien;
And the tube might go black but she keeps coming back
Cuz I glued the girl's face to the screen.
So when Voyager's on, little Kes comes along
Now she's present in every scene
And she's not even coy when I switch to Playboy
My ubiquitous Jennifer Lien.

(Based on Annabel Lee, by Edgar Allan Poe)