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Voyager Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Issues Raised, If Ken Starr Were In Charge Of Investigating Voyager's Disappearance
Mrs Mac -- 17 Aug 1998, 10:39 AM

10.Only card-carrying Maquis members would be called to testify against the Federation.
9.The leftover Caretaker particles will be examined for evidence of suicide.
8.Tuvok will be forced to testify if he witnessed Chakotay leaving Janeway's quarters in the middle of the night with his uniform disheveled.
7.There will be a probe to determine if Neelix's and Kes' jobs were gained (above those of long-standing crewmembers) for personal favors.
6.Janeway will say that she did not have sex with Chakotay (but she will confess that the mud puppies are hers).
5.Janeway's outfit from Resolutions would be carefully checked for the presence of Chakotay's DNA. All they really find are coffee stains.
4.The Hirogen admitted responsibility for taping the personal Voyager transmissions. Seven will be called in to translate those communications. Tom's missing letter will be thought to be evidence of transmission tampering.
3.All redshirted (and dead) former Voyager crewmember's personal logs will be examined.
2.Janeway will be allowed to testify in her quarters via a closed-circuit comm link. She will testify that Chakotay only gave her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
1.All communication links would be put offline to prevent leaks (except for the comm link in Starr's quarters)

Of course, there will never be a Ken Starr investigation in the first place. Why? Because money doesn't exist in the 24th century.